closet clowns

Okay, let’s get serious here. Yeah, you took one look at that title and you knew I was going to get all serious on you. I know, I’m sorry.

The thing is this: Wait . . . I forgot what I was going to talk about. Wouldn’t it be funny if I ended it here? ^_^

Uhm . . . So, the thing is this:

Say you go to the circus and the little car drives up, and the doors open, and suddenly a whole hoard of the most freakishly scary things you can imagine come piling out of it like . . . like cockroaches from wherever cockroaches come from. Yes, I mean clowns.

Raise your hands whoever doesn’t think clowns are scary.

Okay, you and . . . you.

Right. You see, you two are simply abnormal. I mean, look at you, sitting there all by yourself with your hand up in the air — that’s just strange. You’re both a closet clowns, aren’t you? You’re freaking me out here.

So, my serious question is this: Why clowns? Who thought this was a good idea? Clowns simply look far more natural skulking about with sharp butcher knives in dark alleys than crawling out of Mini Coopers. I suppose they could try butcher knives with the Mini Cooper, but it would be hell on the upholstery.

Why couldn’t they just use penguins or something? Penguins are cute. They have that cute walk waddle thing going on. They all come sporting a tux already–they’re practically always dressed for any formal occasion! They live in the coldest friggin’ place in the world, so you know they’re looking for work somewhere warmer. Did I mention they were cute?

But best of all, they have those flightless wing things that are totally unsuited for carrying butcher knives.

I’m just saying, it’s time we started calculating just how many penguins it takes to fill a Mini Cooper. I’m betting a lot more than the clowns can manage. I’m calling my congressman about this in the morning.

We can feed the clowns to the Orcas. Problem solved!

I’m going to earn that Nobel Prize yet!*

[ * Overlooked 889 times for a Nobel already. Grrrr. I don’t want to talk about it. ]